Come on baby...

I am attempting to finish my essay, but my mind is quite firmly elsewhere. It is hard to concentrate on writing a detailed analysis of the relation between space and character in Pasolini's Ragazzi di vita (particualarly a detailed analysis in Italian, which requires me to look up every other word in the dictionary becuase the last 5 months have done absolutely bugger all for my italian language skills), when all I want to do is scrub the floor and have a baby on it. I've come to the library to work on it, becuase there aren't so many distractions here, like telly, and cute baby clothes to be folded and put away in meticulous order for the fifteenth time and adorable newborn sized cloth nappies to be admired, and floors to be scrubbed. But there is still the internet. And the internet steals my brain, dontcha know, because it is full of things related to babies, and that is what my brain wants. Not 20th century Italian literature.

I can't believe I put this off until a week before my due date. I really am a fool. What have I been doing for the last 5 months? Well, obviously pregnancy hasn't completely changed my character. I will always be a procrastinator, particularly when it comes to academia. I know what an amazing relief it will be when this is finshed off and handed in. I know that I can't really prepare myself properly for labour with it still hanging over me. But I also know that my mind does not wish to co-operate with this. I want to have a baby and start being a mama and just get on with it. But I think there's going to be quite a wait ahead. My official due date is a week tomorrow, but I know that she's gonna be way later than that (based on ultrasounds, my own knowledge of 'events', and just general intuition that I may have a stubborn baby who will put me through the wringer fighting for a homebirth once I go over). In one way this is good, as it gives me time to get things done (ie, this damn essay, and the scrubbing of the floors). But in most other ways it is a big fat pain in the arse, cos I want my baby damnit! And I really don't want to fight against induction or end up with a hospital birth for what is almost certainly a baby 10 days younger than the 'official' dates.

If I at least get this finished then I can concentrate on making the baby come (haha, I know it's not that easy, but nipple tweaking and vast amounts of sex are being witheld from me until after essays are handed in, so I'd quite like to get this show on the road...)