Judgement..

...is hard to avoid, when it comes to parenting. No matter how liberal, politically correct and pro-choice you are, when tiny, vulnerable little people are involved, it's hard not to feel outraged, or at least disapproving, of a lot of the things that you see.

I have to admit, I get upset and pissed off by a lot of the things I see every day here. Not that I expect everyone to be some sort of weirdo attachment parenting hippy (like some people might think I am...). But since becoming a mum myself, I've become a lot more sensitive to the fact that at least 75% of mums pushing buggies around town do so with a fag in one hand, that heavily pregnant women smoking are something I see pretty much every time I go out, that the majority of people in McDonalds during a weekday are mums with young kids, feeding 1 year olds Big Macs, that it's exteremely rare to see a mother even bottle nursing her baby-no matter how young, bottles are almost always propped up in the pram-and as for breastfeeding, well, I've never seen a single woman in this city do it, and when Mark mentioned the fact that I'm breastfeeding to the women he works with (almost all with their own kids), it was met with wrinkled up noses and a resounding 'eww, thats not for me...' I try to keep telling myself that everyone has a reason for the things they do, that maybe smoking is the only release they get in a stressful, difficult day, that maybe people did want to breastfeed and couldn't, that maybe the McDonalds is just a one off treat...but what really gets to me is that it's just the norm. In this area, or at least the more deprived parts of it (where I happen to live) most people with babies smoke, most women drink and smoke during pregnancy, most women never even attempt to breastfeed.... And I, judgementally, think it's pretty sad. Because I just can't find it in me to see how someone can smoke, when they must know it's endangering their unborn, or born, child. Because, honestly, it blows my mind that so, so many women can choose not to feed their baby what they must know is nutritionally far superior to anything else available (although I didn't realise until recently that people do still actually believe that formula is just as good, so that shows what I know). Because, to me, the idea of feeding a BigMac to a baby sends shivers down my spine.

But then I think how easy it would be for others to judge me-for having a baby without being financially stable, with a man I didn't know at all well when I got knocked up, for taking said baby to festivals and squats, for the glass of wine I had last night (and didn't finish, and managed to knock on the floor whilst writing this-it splashed all over her Moses Basket stand-how's that for terrible parenting), for having silly hair.... And it makes me paranoid, and confused, and very unsure. It's a fucking minefield, this whole parenting thing. Because the lines between every woman's right to choose what to do with their body, and their right to choose how they raise their children, and the rights of children to the best possible shot at good health seem pretty blurred. I know that the best thing to do is just worry about my baby, and assume that everyone else has a very good reason for the things they do-but it's easier said than done, to be honest. Still, if I'm going to keep my sanity and make friends with other mums around here, I'm going to have to learn to save my 'righteous anger' not for people who make different choices to me, but for a society that makes things fucking difficult for women all round.