I am still pregnant. I have been royally messed around by our maternity system over the last week or so, but I'm trying not to dwell on it right now so I will refrain from writing a big rant on everything. I need to focus on relaxing and destressing and trying not to break down EVERY SINGLE MORNING when I wake up and realise that last night's contractions came to nothing and I am still pregnant.
Oh lovely lovely baby inside of me, please feel free to grow big and strong and ready to cope with the world outside, but please please understand how much we want you and need you out here. We can't wait to meet you, we really can't. But we want you to have the entrance into the world that you deserve, and that gets harder to achieve every day that you stay inside. Because the doctors don't believe that you have your reasons for staying there, they just think that it isn't 'normal' once it gets past a certain date, even though lots of babies want that extra time. And my darling darling baby, even though I want desperately for you to choose your own birthday, and to be born at home away from all the things that scare the shit out of me and that healthy babies and mamas don't need, baby, I just don't know if I have the energy to fight anymore. All that I really want is for you to be here and be healthy, but I know that we should at least get a chance to do things in the most gentle way possible, for both of us.
So please, come and join us soon. I know it is comfortable inside my tummy, but it's nice here too. So many people will love you so much, more than you will ever know or understand. Just because we didn't plan to have you doesn't mean we don't want you more than anything, more than we can believe. Really, you will like us, I promise. Well, you will until you're a teenager and then you will despise us, but after that you might even like us again.
I know you are stubborn. You have put us through a lot already, but I know you are meant to be with us. But please, just do us one little favour and come soon!
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1 comment:
(dance from glitter)
I would love to be born to someone like you. I got goosebumps and pracitically want to wake my own sleeping one to nuzzle. That's strong- wanting to break the peace! Good luck, we're thinking of the 3 of you.
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